Adventures of the Easter Bunny (while high on ecstasy) III

Another relic from the CassieNet Wiki. Originally written for a magazine published by Worfolk Media it never made it to print...

The Easter Bunny woke up in a ditch. It was quite comfortable actually. Luckily he had, had a ditch installed in his house due to the amount of times he has passed out and woken up in one. At least this way it was a designer label ditch in the comfort of his own home. The expense was well worth it.

Last night seemed a blur. However it was almost 6 pm but the time of waking so there was just enough time to have a bacon sandwich and a glass of cleaning fluid, or possibly orange juice if it’s the only thing left before hitting the town for another night of getting in fights and hitting people over the head with chocolate eggs from behind.

He sat down at the breakfast table thinking of all the people he was planning to kill in a drunken rage. When a ghostly shape appeared in front of him. “Wooo,” said the spirit, “I am the ghost of Michael Barrymore.” “What?” Replied the Easter Bunny, “Michael Barrymore is not dead.” “No,” replied the spirit, “but my career is.” The ghost continued, “I am here to tell you, you must reform your ways. You have an anger problem.”

“That’s crazy talk,” said the Easter Bunny. “Really?” Replied the spirit, “isn’t it true that you keep a list of people you hate? That sounds like an anger problem to me.” “Well,” said the Easter Bunny, “it’s not even my list. I just crossed out Joe Denison’s name and put mine at the top.”

“Anyway,” said the Easter Bunny “what’s the worst that can happen even if I don’t reform my ways?” “You will be dancing in commercials with vacuum cleaners by the end of the week!” Shouted the spirit. “Wait no,” he said in a lighter tone flicking through his notepad. “Sorry, that’s Bob Monkhouse. You will end up haunting a family over in Long Island.”

“Isn’t that the place where they make ice teas?” Asked the Easter Bunny. “Yes,” said the spirit. “And you won’t be able to drink any!” “No!!!” Screamed the Easter Bunny. “How can I avoid such as horrible fate?” “I already told you,” said the spirit, “you can reform you ways. It’s the ONLY way. Well other than killing me of course, lol,” chuckled the spirit. “Well I guess there is only one thing I can do…” Said the Easter Bunny.

As he began filling dirt over the coffin in which the dead spirit lay in, he thought about all the great things he was going to do tonight. Breach copyright laws by using diplomatic immunity, mixing alcohol with drugs, what a glorious night lay ahead of him. Just another year in the real life of the Easter Bunny.

Posted at 29 December 2007 14:58

Tags: Misc